El Paso Saddleblanket owner Dusty Henson today announced a special
shopping event for naturalists (nudists) at his eastside store where
prior activities have been held for dog lovers, Indian stuff fans,
left-handed people, and those of different astrological signs, among
others.

"We thought we'd sneak in this special shopping day for nudists
before it gets too cold. It's tough to shop when the nipples chill
up and the willies kind of dive for cover," Henson said.

Naturalists will be provided an area to disrobe at the entrance of
the store, and shop at their leisure, "though they'll need to tuck
their credit cards or cash away where they can easily retrieve it at
check-out.

"It should be a great event," said Henson, "and one of the few where
we won't have to be alert for shoplifters, except for small items."

The aggressive retailer also has plans on the calendar for sales
events to attract people who are married to their cousins (1st or
2nd), "Two-for-One for Bald People" day, "Use Your Stolen Credit
Card" day, and a special "My Name Is Maria---Give Me 20% Off" sales
event where everyone who can prove that their name is "Maria" will
get 20% off while supplies last.

Henson also hopes to have a "Your Portrait on Black Velvet" weekend
before Christmas where over a dozen Mexican artists will be available
to paint patron's images on black velvet with either Jesus, Elvis or
Mickey Mouse for $30 buck each (frame extra $2).